- "What am I doing?"
- "How did I get here?"
- "Is this a good idea?"
They are three very important questions, that inspire a thought provoking answers - if asked.
Today, I woke up decently early to prepare for my 10am class. I struggled to leave my bed, hitting snooze for an additional hour. My body was already arguing with my brain as I sat down in the front of class. Even though I held a distinct smile on my face, there was not much going on behind the deceptive, curtain of my electric-blue eyes. As I tried to shake my mind into action, I tried to remember why I decided to audit this course. I am not required to take it, I will not be assessed for it, and it requires me to accomplish 100% of the weekly reading list.
Ladies and Gentalman, I give you: Product Development and Editorial Management. It filled me with an energy larger, and more explosive than the latte I was sipping at a consistant rate. My tutor, Anna, practically danced in front of the class with the excitement of her material. It filled me with an itch for understanding. I wanted to fully comprehend the depth of her passion for this topic. This feeling grew wider, and within the next two hours I had added another class to my auditing plans.
I wanted to know.
I needed to know.
Anything and everything to do with Publishing became a valid interest, and in the security of being surrounded by other book-dorks, it was perfectly acceptable. However, perhaps I should have glanced at the following schedule - my schedule - before letting my excitement get away with me.
As my mother always tells me; "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach." I believe this idea is very similar to what happened to me today, and explains the following intense, and voluntary timetable:
On Monday...
- 6-8pm: I attend a Publishing Master Class. This is a guest speaker who comes in and fills us with information of their particular field. This week we had Peter Ashman who works with STM publishing, which involves the lucrative area of medical and scientific journals.
On Tuesday...
- 10-12am: I attend Product Development and Editorial Management. This is one of the many classes I am auditing this term, however unlike the others, I will have to attend the seminars. So far, Anna has begun talking about developing products and being a commissioning editor.
- 12-2pm: Catch up on reading in library.
- 2-4pm: I spontaneously decided it would be important for me to learn / audit the Evolution of Publishing. I was right. To know where you are going, you have to learn where you came from. We will be discussing large publishers now and how they got to the top. I volunteered to put a presentation together for next week on John Murray Publishing House, because I have the time.
- 4-6pm: Catch up on reading in library.
- 6-7pm: I am auditing 10 Critical Challenges for Writers. So very, very interesting but most of the time so very, very over my head. I get so lost in the vocabulary used by our tutor - James Miller - that I find myself dancing and skimming over the main points. But with that in mind, I am absolutely engrossed with the theories and thoughts he brings up in discussion. I find myself in the second week of this class beginning to step back and look at myself as an aspiring writer - it is terrifying. Sentences beginning with, "What if..." as I leave the room, and I have to shut myself up with an encouraging, "You're good." Leave it to me to massage my own ego - which I have learned this week, is a good thing.
On Wednesday...
- As far as I know there are no classes possible for me to audit on this day, and I am not even going to look. This will become a catch up on reading day, PLUS a personal writing day. When am I going to see friends? Or London?
On Thursday...
- 6-8pm: Writer's Workshop. This is officially the only class I am responsible for this term. I am really excited for the chance to read the work of my peers - sort out the competition - and have my peers read 'me,' to give feedback. I love feedback, and with the years of art critiques and other strengthening experiences - coughcough - I should be okay. However, that annoying and frightening, "What if..." phrase keeps finding it's way through the chaos of my brain.
On Friday...
- 2-3pm: Yes, I am auditing even a class on a Friday afternoon - Narrative Techniques in Popular Fiction. It is also important to mention that this is an undergraduate course. It is also important to mention that I love the basics - you can never get enough basics to build your expertise on. Currently, this class is a hell-of-a-lot-of-work. I have three books to read by Friday, and to balance that with the articles, chapters and essays from other classes, plus spontaneous presentations and my own writing to accomplish, I don't know when I'll find the time to breath... yay being a student again!
Now back to those important questions, I must keep remembering to ask:
What I am doing, is taking advantage of my time as a student at a great university. I am creating the time to learn my field; from the evolution of publishing, to the current workforce. I am focused on gaining the confidence through the knowledge found in classes, and through the guidance of my peers. I want to get every ounce out of this degree, even if it means attending more classes as an auditor, than a registered student. The only downside to my current plan is the growing multitude of valued texts suggested at the beginning and end of every class. They are texts I desperately want because lets face it - I love books. Even if I never read them, they look damn pretty on my collapsing book shelves.
I am here, because I am serious. I am not here to waste my time or the time of someone else. I am hear to learn, to experience and develop myself as a writer, and as a professional. Sitting in the back of class might be easy, and keeping quiet might save me from looking like an idiot, but I will not gain anything from those bad habits. While I would find it completely acceptable to be the janitor at The New Yorker just to have their name on my paycheck, I am capable of more. I want more. This is the catalyst to reach the next level of achievement, and I am aware of that.
This is a good idea. This is a wonderful idea. Before I even left the states I was doubtful of my abilities of being a student. Knowing my weaknesses, I feared that I would fold back into my lazy ways and do the minimal required, gaining a decent understanding of the experience, but nothing extraordinary. Once I stepped outside the classroom and used my skills in the workforce, I learned how valuable experience can be if you take advantage of the resources around you. I think it was in the fear of not achieving, and in the inspired awareness, that I have begun to find my success. The drive to learn more, and be more, than the required timetables, and reading lists. In one year, I must build a confidence that will propel myself in the direction of my goals. How can attempting to achieve your goals be a bad idea?
Now, on a completely unrelated note: I appear to be one of youngest students in my programme. Still evaluating the positives and negatives of this one...
How is everyone doing State-side? I ask in the hopes that someone made it to the end of this wordy post on my inner-monologues, and timetable organizing. But really, How is everyone back home? Anything exciting to report?
xx, Kristin
