Visa?

Dear London,

I am still waiting on my visa - which is totally acceptable - but I am still nervous about my passport!

Also, I am anxious for this step to be 100% O-V-E-R!!!

Amsterdam: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Falling Into Place

Dear London,

Today it seems that everything in the last couple of weeks has come together. Yes, I am still waiting on my Visa. Allegedly, it arrived at the British Consulate around 3pm today. However, everything seems to be going well - knockonwood.

inhale.

Let us review: The university knows I am coming - check number one - I have all my loans worked out - to a well-enough point - I have my credit card fixed to a higher maximum to use until my loans come - 3,000 scary dollars - my visa is being finalized at this very moment - withluck knockonwood - I have a plane ticket - as we know well - I am nearly convinced graduate school is the right decision - with family and friend assurance / support - I am doing pretty well saving money for those first four to six weeks without loans - except for those boots and necklace from last night - I have a flatmate to search for flats with - yay Stacey! - I already have travel plans - Spain, Ireland and Norway - and I believe that concludes my review.

Now to update that list: Today, Philippa insisted that Stacey and I live with her until we can find a more permanent home. It was absolutely the most wonderful news and I am so excited to be welcomed back into England by her and her family. It will be nice to start out in an environment I am comfortable with. Of course, that situation cannot last forever, and we will continue searching for a home. But, looking for a flat was the last piece on my to-do-list and now, I feel like I can cross that off my "panic-list." This means that list is now empty. Let me repeat...

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO-DO ON MY PANIC TO-DO LIST.

exhale.

It will be so much more relaxing to finish out the summer. All I have to do is wait for my Visa, plan out my packing, announce the existence of this blog, work on a proposal to my local newspaper of keeping a column about my travels - for publishing experience - calmly search for a place to live - without the feeling of being homeless - and catch up on the reading / twitter list my course tutors have suggested. This sadly does not include my other to-do-lists, but this was the more stressful list.

In conclusion: I AM FEELING SO MUCH BETTER.

Italy: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Why Do I Travel?

Dear London,

Today, I decided to step out of the paperwork and into the travel. As we all know, I have quite the flight ahead of me and I am very focused on my luggage now. While I had been planning on a little shopping spree to get new clothes for London, I may just pass on that now. I am afraid of loosing my luggage.

But what I am not afraid of loosing is my carry-on! So, today I went to CVS and bought a bunch of small travel sized things. While for some people, the following list might be boring, for me it makes me tap my fingers with glee.

This is what I bought:

• nail polish stickers - that I will apply right before I go.
• toothbrush lids, small toothpaste, floss, small mouthwash, small disposable toothbrushes - because I am apparently am worried about my oral hygiene on the plane... or plane breath.
• small contact solution
• small antibacterial
• small bottles for shampoo and conditioner & and a loofah - !!!
• small deodorant
• small tissues
• bandaids & bacitracin - because I tend to bump into things.
• small ibuprofen - to ease the pain after I bump into things.
• Chapstick
• face wash cloths - I do not enjoy that plane feel on my face.

It is nice to think outside of forms and about the travel. I AM SO EXCITED TO USE ALL MY LITTLE TRAVEL THINGS!

London: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Whatever Negativity

Dear London,

Whatever Negativity is my new slogan for this process. This morning, I woke up at 6:30am to get prepared for my Visa appointment in Albany, NY. As I woke up, I decided to research flights to England - still hoping for a cheap trip as it is coming out of my pocket and not my loans. With hardly any searching, I found the cheapest flight yet - $539. My jaw dropped and I called my Dad with excitement telling him my fantastic discovery. As I read the details they seemed easy enough - Albany, NY, to Boston, MA, to Reykjavik, Iceland, to London, England.

... On another note, I will soon create a completely unrelated post entitled - "What Not to Do While You Are Trying to Wake Up."

My basic rational for this trip with layovers was : I have travled before. I have done the walking, to train, to bus to plane thing. And before purchase I, of course, had my father look at the details and with his statement of, "You've got to do, what you've got to do," I purchased my $539 plane ticket to London, England - with many stops in between. However, as I printed out the itinerary page something came to my attention. It was not till after my card went cha-ching did I notice something, complicated:

1. September 12 @ 4:55pm - I leave Albany International Airport.
2. September 12 @ 6:05pm - I arrive in Boston, MA.
3. September 12 @ 9:30pm - I leave Boston, MA.
4. September 13 @ 6:30am - I arrive in Reykjavik, Iceland.
5. September 13 @ 4:10pm - I leave Reykjavik, Iceland.
6. September 13 @ 8:10pm - I arrive in London, England.

Now, I do not know if you noticed the time gap between each stop, because I certainly did not on my first, second or third glance at 7am this morning. While the flight time is expected to be long - and I am accustomed to that with my several flights over the pond - the extension of these layovers nearly blew my un-caffeinated mind:

1. There is nearly a 3 1/2 hour layover in Boston.
2. There is nearly a 9 1/2 hour layover in Reykjavik.
3. AND in case you did not notice I begin my travels in the afternoon of one day - September 12th - and end on the evening of the next - September 13th.

. . .

My heart stopped.

. . .

My stomach lunged.

. . .

My breathing increased.

. . .

I will be spending an entier day and a half waiting in airports and being alone. I will be risking my luggage to take this same trip - but without my guidance. But, I will also have to be prepared to enroll the very next day at Kingston University. And all this before I even made it 30 minutes from home on my way to Albany for my biometrics. In silence, I wrestled with the thoughts, passing ideas to my Dad. Ideas such as - I cannot afford to pay more. I have nothing better to do. It does get me there on the same day as the complimentary pick-up from the airport into Kingston. But with all these semi-comforting thoughts, there was one positive thought that hit me hard in the temple...

Whatever Negativity.

That was it. I had spent my summer getting one blow after another, loans and visas and housing and loans and applications and visa. Everything had stressed me out. Everything had me crashing on my bed at night, exhausted from thinking. And here it was again. But this time, it was my mistake. This time, I had created my own stress. Everything again seemed to be out of my control, so I just stopped, and thought...

Whatever Negativity.

The stress and panic kept jumping in my face, and I would push it down - always fighting. Its rushing heat was taking hold of my every thought with this international student process. The negativity was causing me to doubt this decision and choose to believe that this is just a crazy dream. Why should I do this? What is the real reason? There are so many facts against me...

Yes - this is going to cost me money - a lot of money.

Yes - I am going to be very far from home for an entire year.

Yes - I have no clue what I will be doing once I receive my Masters - or where I will go.

All arguable points, but their weakness is that they are just common facts. Facts, do not show the level of how immensely I want this. Maybe I do not need this Master's degree to succeed in becoming a writer, or working in publishing, but who can really know? The only things that should be considered now, so far into this commitment are that...

I understand the sacrifices.

I want this education.

I want the investment in my future.

I want the input and the independent lifestyle.

I want to be a travler again - even if that means just being lucky enough to return to London.

Before when people asked me why I wanted to do this, I would say to them - I do not want to be the person saying, 'I wish I could do that,' I want to be the person that actually does what they wish - and that was my unbeatable, driving point. It is my choice, my risk and my desire. No one, not even myself, should have anything stronger to argue against me. No one, not even myself, should wish me to complete anything less that becoming the person 'who does what they wish.' It is my life after all.

Whatever Negitivity.

This flight started my morning with excitement. It filled my mid-morning with anguish. But it strengthened me before I even reached the doors of the Homeland Security Office in Albany an hour and thirty minutes away. Now is not the time to forget that I want to be a travler, and I want the adventure. What could be more promising to this academic year than a flight that will take two days, and three countries to accomplished? A kick start back into that independent person I used to be.

Of course, all of this only affirmed by my cousin Paul's almost comforting words when I told him what I had done, "I'm jealous."

The visa appointment for my biometrics than became a breeze. I like to think it came with the change of my worn-down attitude back into a positive strength. I was in the back office before my appointment even started at 10am, and out 15 minutes later after taking my photograph and scanning my fingerprints. Even the next step of the Visa progress now seems less extreme, as I begin to realize it might be as uncomplicated as it appears. By the end of this week, I will have gathered all the appropriate documents and send them down to the British Consulate to meet my biometrics. Hopefully, shortly after that my visa will arrive in the mail and I can cross yet another item off my ever shortening to-do list.

In a day that was filled with emotions, it all worked out. I just have to keep remembering my new slogan - Whatever Negativity.

Oxford: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin

Tomorrow = Visa

Dear London,

Tomorrow is the day.

Tomorrow I have the meeting for my the biometrics piece of my Visa.

There I should get passport photos taken and my fingerprints done. After that, I should only need to send all my information to the British Consulate in NYC. At the meeting I am going to be sure I know what will need to be sent down, so that on Tuesday I can get it in the mail and completed.

In other news, I hope to hear from Phillipa soon about the flat that Stacey and I wish to live. Ruthie is no longer living with us, which is fine, but we still have not found a place - a home. We may have to share with other students, which I think would be fine. I just hope they would be more serious students, which is what I plan on being once courses start. Everything will be just fine though, even if we need to stay in an inn or at Phillipa's for a week so we can look.

Anyway, I'll hopefully have good things to add tomorrow once I return from this appointment.

Holland: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin

Problems, Solutions, Problems and more Solutions...

Dear London,

... and more problems.

I am not ever certain anymore who is wining in this international game. This morning I met with my bank, and applied for a higher maximum on my credit card and a loan just in case the credit card plans fall through. Now, I must wait till Monday to hear is I will be given the acceptance.

Monday is also the day I have my Visa meeting. 10am in Albany, right near my family and the mall. It will really nice to have that piece out of the way and off my list. My friend Amanda - who is going to Spain - said her Visa only took one week to go through. I am going to hope for the same, but I will just keep a daily running tally on its progression. At this meeting, I hope they will be more clear with what I'll need to mail out.

While my to-do list is clearing out, I am still feeling as though I am missing something at every turn. There had been so much to do, a constant flow of applications and searches that I seem to be forgetting everything I have accomplished. So, to calm myself and remind myself, here is a list of everything I've accomplished - that I can recall - since I decided to embark on this education:

• Kingston's Application
• International Scholarship application
• Visa Application - twice
• This blog and its Maintenance
• FAFSA Application
• The Entire Loan Process
• Setting Up Osis
• Getting My CAS
• ...and this is where my brain stops working

But either way I think I have proved my point to myself. There is not much left to solve, so I can relax a bit. Right now I need to focus and make time to read and write so I am prepared for this coming education I am supposed to receive.

Holland: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Calm Optimism - A New Thing...

Dear London,

Pretty much, since yesterday morning I have tried to put a space between me and this whole money mess. I got the signatures that I will need in order to receive a loan or a higher max on my credit card. While I am still waiting on an email from Kingston that will tell me how I will get my loan money, I have begun to breath. It will all work out, because it needs too.

Right now, I am trying to bring focus back into my art. I am maintaining a new blog that I will use as my art & design portfolio - which is private during its construction. Also, I am trying to be more frequent with my posts for Beginning. In fact, creating a new post is something I am trying to do now. However, I am struggling with us as I fight against the wave of heat and humidity that seems to be frying my finger movability and brain.

What Now?

Dear London,

If anyone actually reads this blog they are going to think I need to get checked for bi-polar disorder. My mood and stress levels are so connected to this process of becoming an international student. I should probably chill out, but I cannot let go because I am so afraid that the moment I let loose it will come crashing down around me and - dream over.

I never wanted to be the person so affected by money, but that is who I am becoming. I cannot have or be what I want without it, and therefor its importance has been realized. Now, I am faced with finding a good chunk of dollars with little time and little savings. Why? I have to pay for a plane ticket and 4-6 weeks of rent without the support of my loans that I took out to support my graduate school and living expenses... WHAT?

Without thinking of what will happen if I cannot find the money, I am continuing to fight against the waves crashing into me. Right now I am searching for the way, using my bank as a pretty huge resource. There is the option of taking out a loan and / or there is the option of increasing my credit card maximum amount. The only catch is that I have to convince my manager to sign a paper saying how much I get weekly, which is now on tomorrow's growing to-do-list.

Tomorrow: I also have to finish my Visa application, and wait to hear from Patrick with my huge list of questions about disbursement. We will see how my mood will be by 8:30am and hope it turns out well. I am also having a skype date with Stacey and Ruth tomorrow night, which will be good to sort out housing and when to land in London.

I did receive a lot of help from my parents today, which I am really grateful for. Hopefully, everything will be worked out from their help today. It was really refreshing to not have everything be on me and my shoulders.

Wales: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Let Me Start With...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The Thoughts of an International Student

Dear London,

Everyday - every weekday - it seems that I am hearing more and more from Kingston. It is a constant flow of term schedules, orientations, and twitter following suggestions. At the beginning of the week, it freaked me out. In the middle of the week, I was in an honest panic. But now, I have returned to a moment of calm.

The thoughts of being a student again, after being out of school for over a year filled me with excitement and fear. I love to learn. I love the institution of higher education. I love being able to control - to an extent - how I learn the material I am faced with. However, will I be able to control myself when I return to Europe? I have told anyone who had asked, or suggested their own desires, that rather than exploring Europe again I plan to hop on trains and see the countryside of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales. But then my head goes - of course I will visit Italy again with Phillipa and of course I will return to Norway to see my family - and this time with pictures and better presents from america. Not to mention that I have to visit Amanda in Spain!

And I do fear that this chain will break my attention from my studies, the reason I am returning to Kingston - I think - to receive an impressive master's degree in Creative Writing and Publishing. Constantly, I fill my head with the thoughts and advice from my Aunt Sandy. The power of a master's degree on its own, plus the fact that I was courageous enough to travel to another to receive this degree IS A GOOD THING. I hate, hate, hate to be limited and this path I am on should make my limitations less - except with the whole dollar, dollar bills thing.

I can imagine that I am not the only worried international student, though the arasmus students - European International Students traveling to another European country for education - would not be faced with the temptation of most countries in Europe. Perhaps Ruthie and Stacey are in the same place as myself. Maybe I will make new friends, bonding over this constant cycling thought process in my mind.

ANYWAY - back to the emails. Now, I am aware that:

• I should be finished with my course between June 4th and June 28th.
• I also know what the Master Classes will be of and that they will occur every Monday from 6pm to 8pm.
• I know that after I finish re-reading Harry Potter, I will need to read Rebecca.
• I know that I need to create a new and private twitter account, so I can follow their suggestions easily.
• I know when and what some of the orientation events will be and have added them all to my calendar.

Though - I still do not know:

• when I will receive my loans
• how and when to buy my plane ticket
• what my courses will be
• where I will live
• and if my visa is as easy as I hope and think it seems.

These thoughts are still weighing on my mind and every time I run though them, I am certain I am missing one. Even now, I am sitting here thinking if I need to add something to that list, but nothing else comes to my nervous mind.

At this point, I can no longer say, "I am probably going to England this fall." I have made a promise I will not, and that I will spend a year learning amazing things inside and outside of the classroom. Fingers crossed that I am not forgetting anything...

Norway: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Scholarships & Reading Lists

Dear London,

I failed to get the international scholarship, which I guess is pretty likely with the percentage they gave me on getting this source of financial aid. BUT GOOD NEWS - I can still get my loans - so that's pretty cool.

Other than that, I did also receive a brief email from the publication section of my masters program. They gave me a few more details on the course, and a bit of a reading list - an intimidatingly big bit. It was also suggested that I look at a few publications and online articles. I will have to sit down this weekend and organize all of that into my busy schedule, but of course this is something I will make room for. It seems I will not be able to take on outside projects for anyone anymore.

Maybe one would say - This is where a smarter person would back down.

Not this kid.

As my Dad once said to me,

"You're a Bergene and Bergene's are not intimidated, we intimidate."

Which has clearly become my manta for this part of my life - and every other part of my life.

Italy: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

More Word from Kingston

Dear London,

I have received another email from Kingston, something that seems to happen when I need a reminder of what all this work and stress is for. It was a pretty basic email telling me about a postgraduate meet and greet and then mentioning about my courses. My heart stopped when I remembered what I am throwing myself into, and while it will be nerve wracking it is something I have accomplished before. I did not know Ruthie or Stacey before I went over and now we are all heading back again. I did not know a single person before I went over last time, and now I am already ahead of that game.

So basically...

I CANNOT WAIT - but also, I am nervous and apprehensive - which means I am human.

Paris: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, kristin

Visa - Yet Again

Dear London,

How many posts can I create in one week about Visas? I should win an award for most confused international student ever. Again I took the time to slowly reread everything and I have the best post as of yet in this visa process: Step-by-step instructions and understanding.

Here they are:

1. Get CAS = CHECK
2. Apply for Visa online
3. Make appointment for biometrics in Latham
4. Mail everything to British Consulate in NYC.

As far as I can tell this is it, and I do not want to believe it will be anymore complicated than this. Hopefully when I fill out my application for the second time, there will be more details on the four steps I have laid out, especially steps 3 and 4.

In the future I will put up a post that sums up everything about the visa process.

Italy: 2009, Photographer: Allie Harcharek

xx, Kristin

Visa - UPDATE

Dear London,

Two posts in one night, I know - CRAZY. But, after getting overwhelmed before I spent the last few hours getting super organized and trying to answer my own questions. I will be emailing the financial aid office on Monday with a few I could not figure out, but I believe I have the Visa piece pretty well sorted right now.

This is what I found:

• For the application: I need to just reference the information from my first application disaster. A few facts do need to change, but I have notes those changes on the old application which - thank god - I had printed out.
• For the appointment: I need many documents, two of which I did not realize the first time around - there is a reason for everything. Items I will need to bring with me to the appointment are: Kington's letter of unconditional acceptance, CAS, passport, two separate letters of loan information so that I can prove I'll have money to survive, the conformation letter for my appointment, the conformation of my actual visa application, fingerprints and two passport photos with my name on the back of them. SO, that is quite a bit, and as far as I know now this is all I need for that appointment. I think I am going to bring my Oneonta Transcript because I read somewhere that you might need the same information that you had to provide to get your CAS, and that was something they had wanted.
• I have also discovered that I should wait till JULY 19th to apply for the visa, so I will wait. I suppose I will also have to wait for my fingerprints to come back before I can take them to an appointment.

At this point, I am feeling more better. Much reassured. I just needed to take a few hours to sort out all the confusion that was pounding in my direction. Over the weekend, to distract myself from worrying about the loans - see last post - I will work on some web and logo work I have been employed to create. I also have a few tasks I need to create for TIME FRAME's launch party that will be happening this friday night. It is ironically the same day I find out if I get the international scholarship for Kingston, I get more coverage help at my second job and the same day Harry Potter 7 part 2 goes into theaters. Hard to say which I am more excited for, haha.

Feeling so much better, I just need to focus on what I need to know.

Oxford, England: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin

A Post to Vent

Dear London,

This is all getting quite stressful for me. Where I am on the scale - which is basically off the charts - a weaker person would quit and walk away. I am really afraid of being that person, I have never been that person before.

I will not walk away.

I cannot walk away.

I refuse to walk away.

But, I am about to lose my mind.

I have divided what needs to be done for Kingston into three different categories and each one is weighing on me in an impossible, crushing pressure. While it is possible I am making this more difficult then it actually is, the problem is that I am lacking anyone on this continent and in local area to talk things through with. Constantly, I am making mistakes and missing details and I really believe it is because this is the first time I am doing anything remotely like this on my own. I am missing and needing the support that I used to get from the offices at Oneonta State or from my own advisor.

Right now the categories stand like so:

LOANS

• Applied for, and I believe will get the loans.
• Today, I found out the first disbursement is not till Oct 3rd, which puts difficulties on plane ticket, housing and just enough money for a little food in the first few weeks
• Also, last disbursement is not until the end of June, which is also unfortunate because I should be home then. I am taking out the loan for school not after school, not for after I have graduated.
• CONCLUSION: This seems like an impossible situation, and it does not make sense that the disbursement schedule would work like this. How do they expect us to pay for anything? Like tuition? I just have to think that there is a piece of information I am missing.

VISA

• Need to apply for.
• Need CAS to apply for - which I think came into my email this morning.
• For this, I think it is enough to say I have messed up once on applying for my visa already. I am afraid to get this going again and mess up... again. Also, it seems my knowledge of what I need to get this accomplished is different from what others understand.

HOUSING

• find a flat... in another country, separated by an ocean
• find funding for flat - down payment & few months rent

I honestly cannot see how all this adds up. In fact, I cannot see anything anymore with all the pressure. My life is asking for far too much from me right now, I need six of me to even bite down on the building to-do list in front of me. Logos, websites, book, illustrations, two jobs, all of this graduate stuff and probably other things I am forgetting due to stress. I have not even had the time to write, which is what I am going to graduate school for. I will be uselessly rusty when it comes time to actually write well for my courses, this will be horrible if I cannot get a moment to exercise my skills.

For now, I can only think of the day I sit on the plane and head off for across the ocean. That day, all of this will be behind me, and my only worries should be finding a part-time job and doing my course work. AND, I vow I will not put more on my table than I can handle, as I always do. I will learn to say no - not to experiences - so that I will be able to focus on me and my needs.

Italy: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin

Pointless Post...

Dear London,

I have no real reason to post, though the book Rebecca did come in the mail today, which is a step closer to the goal. Also, I cannot stop playing with the layout of this blog. I am not sure what I want to have on it, or what is important. Though it is probably perfect just the way I have developed it up to this point. At least that is my theory with the knowledge I gained from last time I kept a blog like this - or a blog in general.

Really though, I think I just wanted to make a post so I could put up another picture from 2009. So, on that note here we go...

Paris: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin

Old Tips from Past Self

Dear London,

The last time I traveled abroad, I made a list of tips for Hanna for traveling internationally. I never showed it to her. However, while I was looking for documents I came across them again, and reading through the list made me smile. This made me think it would be a good idea to post that list on here, so that I may reference it in the future.

Next Weekend Trip:

1. Ask if you can drink the water
2. Small toothpaste, Q-tip, small contact solution, small bottles for shampoo...
3. The right money: Euros, Kroners, GBP...
4. Make sure everything is charged: ipod, camera, phone...
5. Look up some language to get around the city
6. Check the weather
7. Bring: cards, pen & paper, chapstick...
8. Remember your family, write home
9. Stay out of the bike paths, marked by green and red
10. Take pictures with people - including yourself - in them
11. Remember your values, priorities
12. Ask questions
13. Don't forget to eat
14. It is okay to take a break, breath and do nothing
15. Gum makes you hungrier
16. Positive energy
17. Try something local: theater, museums...

There were more, but I could not understand what some of them meant also there was one giant warning - Cannot put all of them, some are inappropriate. I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean... ah well.

Holland: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin

Moving Along

Dear London,

Mostly because I feel the need to write, I thought it would be a good time to post an update on this pre-London struggle. Currently, I have registered for the DVL - Daily Vacancies Listings - which will help Ruthie, Stacie and myself find a place to live. The goal for this is going to be by the end of July, which will be good because we will know about loans and scholarships.

I am waiting on my CAS still, though I am planning on sending out an email on Tuesday to check on its status. Part of me is concerned that when I paused its processing, they never got it going again when I sent a second email. No one responded when I asked them if they could begin processing it again. Once I get the CAS I can move onto my Visa, which will cost me dollars and a weekday trip to Albany - I am aiming for a Monday.

That will mean, by the end of July - hopefully - I will have a flat, loans, scholarship, CAS and a Visa taken care of, leaving August for me and my friend and my family to spend quality time together before I move house. It will also mean, I have pretty much taken care of everything and be left to turn my attention to my courses, packing and a plane ticket.

Needless to say - for the moment - everything is going well, and looking up. I have ended my night job at the book store so that I may have more attention to spend on the items listed above plus a few - coughshittoncough - more. Hopefully this moment of little stress will last longer than shorter this time...

Wales: 2009, Photographer: Kristin Bergene

xx, Kristin