Adjusting: Part 2

It is 7am London time.

It is 2am in my brain.

I have been waking up every 15 or so minutes since 5am.

Midnight - in my brain.

The weight of everything is pushing me into a little ball of exhaustion and sickness. My throat is burning, my nose is hot and I am unable to fall into that deep, restoring sleep. While the reasons for its onslaught are many - change in climate, jetlag, running around / being run down, the city setting, the unconsidered and sudden change in diet - I cannot help but think it might have something to do with overwhelming stress.

Approximately 40 minutes ago, I gave up trying to sleep. I told myself that later in this day, between meetings and life I would find a spare moment to find the sleep I missed. Shortly after this, I found myself in the den, chowing down on a bag of crisps. I have never been a stress eater, but after the third small bag I considered it as a realistic option.

Earlier - or more correctly - Yesterday, I posted everything I was trying to accomplish in the next week. From the leisurely 10/11am - 5/6pm work week, I went right into the real world and, without armor. Now with classes looming one week form this Monday, my entier body is caving under the stress.

Though, presently as I sit in this quiet and dark home it seems that I am alone on the stress-caving emotion.

In the next week I need to find a place to live. I need too. I need it to settle down. To unpack. To feel like I have finally found a good resting point fo the end of the means. To begin my course on the right foot, with a private place to work. My own space. All my current work seems impossible to complete till I find this place. All playtime desires are shadowed by the lack of it's existence. I just want to read, write and illustrate - also, sleep.

Even in my weakest moments of stress eating - the salt of those crisps still on my lips - I cannot forget that I am lucky to have the Adam's family who not only took us in, but also continue to offer advice  on what we are looking for. I am lucky to have made it to this point, starting the next year of my life as a student in London. I do understand that there are many who wish for the same experience, and have not yet found the way to make it happen.

Watching the sun's light brighten the buildings across the street, I sat alone in the den and restored calm. A moment to just think, and breath. A silent corner to reflect on this moment, while the sky turned from navy to a pale blue.

I am lucky.

I am overwhelmed.

And that is just fine for now. 

xx, Kristin